Thursday, December 3, 2009

Jennifer Aniston & Gerard Butler: A Couple, Or Something Equally Tedious

Of course Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are a couple. Blind Albanian orphans could have predicted this one.

Although, to be fair, that does depend on your definition of the word couple. According to reports, Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were seen strolling around hand in hand, but remember that acting is a very tactile profession. Other reports say that they’ve spent a lot of time in Jennifer Aniston’s trailer, but that could mean they were just learning lines.

And other reports suggest that Gerard Butler is Jennifer Aniston’s newest male co-star, in which case they’re DEFINITELY doing it.

To be a male co-star in a Jennifer Aniston film is to give yourself up to the powerful unseen forces of the media, who’ll bump and buffer you around with wild accusations that you’ve become romantically involved with her. It’ll damage your reputation, break your heart and leave you being scrutinized in a way that you’ve never been scrutinized before. On the plus side, though, you’ll probably get to have sex with Jennifer Aniston a bunch of times, so it can’t be all bad.

And that’s more or less the situation that Gerard Butler finds himself in now. For weeks there’s been speculation that he’s fallen for Jennifer Aniston on the set of The Bounty, and it’ll be a new experience for him. After all, he hasn’t had chance to woo his co-stars yet, because most of the people in 300 were men and his co-star in The Ugly Truth was Katherine Heigl, a woman who we assume chews off the head off her partner immediately after sex like those insects do.

So how will Gerard Butler play this? The steadfast refusal to comment? The angry denial? The, um, strolling round hand in hand with Jennifer Aniston looking all moony eyed? Oh. Yes. That one